where have you been, my dopamine?
by mylastonepiece
Summary: One Saturday night, an unstoppable feat of the rain opted Mercury to ride on the local bus. He had no idea this will bring a chance encounter with a special someone of his young and menace days.


_Cold._ Mercury can feel the frigidness brought by the rain, tingling on his skin as if breaths of frostbite scatter through his entire body. It wasn't even Winter season yet, but it definitely signaled a close typhoon coming in a few. How can he know if he wasn't even watching the news for decades?

Not even wearing a seasoned jacket and a hoodie will somehow ease the increasing temperature scourging in. His hair has been on a shack, and he couldn't stop the occasional trembling of his hands. Instead, it just gave him this sickening feeling and the stupidity for not thinking of bringing a goddamn umbrella with him.

It wasn't even raining hard at all, but it was unstoppable. The kind to bring just enough cold breeze, accompanied by mild lightnings and roars of thunder. Honestly just the perfect situation to lay in bed all day and sleep without any plans of getting up. Heavy rain or not, it was still a total pain in the ass to get yourself soaking wet when you're already about to head home. Thankfully.

The red light came, putting a halt to all the moving cars aligned on the busy highway. As persons of different professions and classes simultaneously crossed the pedestrian lane, all with the goal of stepping on the other side - a local, ordinary bus stopped in front of Mercury, as if this thing was a ray of hope in the form of a public transport.

Without hesitation, he ran his way on its door as it released all the other people coming down from it. Typically, it was just an ordinary view to see but at the same time, it proved substantial. The sound of the splatters of rain on the ground became music to his ears in this brief moment. Finally, it was his time to get going after all the waiting made worse by this horrendous weather.

Utter silence greeted him as he went through in the middle of these people, some were sleeping, few were having chit chats but obviously the exhaustion was a very tangible object in this case. As if this was the common denominator these passengers all have, and yet, it reminded him of how scarring the world can be. Too realistic that it's sometimes better to just drown in one's own trance, and forget about everything in a matter of minutes.

Mercury decided to head at the back, since the seats on the front and middle parts were already occupied. At least at this side of the bus, it was far too silent, and it's good. He can sleep as well without anyone telling him to move his ass up, and just less...people in general.

Plugging his earphones in, he was sure he was alone in the farthest corner. To watch the flashing pictures of reality outside through the moist window was one thing, even if it was just the night life; but to close his eyes as he leaned back cautiously, this is the part where he felt too close with the music. _To escape._ The only thing he was passionate about since highschool.

And the ride to wherever he was headed to, it was going to be an undeniably long one. He can always have a place to stay at Emerald's or Cinder's, or basically just at his father's to be simple. At a time like this, Mercury can have the temporary solicitude he wanted before deciding where he really should go - in a place to call home.

"You're still not over your emo phase, aren't you?"

The song he was listening to wasn't even halfway of its first verse when he was abruptly interrupted. This was one of his favorites, _**I Miss You by blink-182**_ was a classic that was always going to be a part of his teenage years.

He didn't even open his eyes yet when he heard the voice, but he didn't understood what they said at all. Instead, he let out an audibly irritated grunt when this person sat next to him, which irked him big time. Probably just another passenger telling him to move, but he didn't care.

Mercury could've sworn he wasn't in the mood to piss people off, or if it's the other way around. He opened one eye to get a glimpse of who was sitting next to him, if he should pay respect to them or whatever. But the moment the realization struck him, had he also realized he should've just continued listening to music - or never went for the back - or never went for the bus at all.

It felt like there was an actual lump in his throat, that it seemed like he couldn't articulate her name as if it was even a complex one. He didn't even have to think for at least five seconds to try and remember who she was.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"You look like you have seen a ghost, Merc." she began, but all Mercury could notice was how beautiful she still was. Her golden hair especially, and those pair of lilac-colored orbs she possess, one thing he loved about her - they now seem to lack the flare, that he can feel his heart drop the moment they met hers.

All because he knew he was somehow responsible for it.

"I- I..." his voice faltered. He can't even remember when was the last time he stuttered, " _Yang_. I'm-"

"Yeah?"

" _I'm sorry._ "

Two words that had always been caught in his throat, something he was _dying_ to tell her. Apologizing was far from his vocabulary, not even if he did a crap ton of mean acts towards people, he was never sorry about any of it.

But to Yang - it was different. How stupid he was for thinking that the moment he will be able to say it, will mean to lift something off of his chest, but it felt a lot heavier now.

And there was no acceptable reason or excuse why he did that all of a sudden, even if he never meant to, without bidding farewell or the whatnots. He just...left.

"You shouldn't be." she smiled bitterly, seeming as if she knew exactly what he meant, but chose to just let it pass, "Even though I really badly wanted to punch you in the face so hard right now you can actually land on Mars." her tone was joking, but her expression tells otherwise.

"I deserve that."

Yang just let out a soft chuckle, changing the topic immediately, "What are you listening to?"

Mercury didn't know what else to do, he didn't want to feel awkward but that's exactly what's happening to him. He didn't want to feel awkward when they've practically slept and seen each other naked already back in the day. They were so close despite being complete opposites; but their connection was so raw and real.

Although a bit hesitant, he just removed one earphone and gave it to Yang, where "I Miss You" was still playing.

As she tuned into the music, bittersweet flashbacks of their youthful days came rushing back, and with that Yang had to close her eyes for a brief moment to stop letting a tear fall from her eye. Mercury didn't even say anything, or was that intentional, but there were so many unspoken emotions in his song choice. That wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

 _Professor Oobleck's class was one of the things in the world he hated the most. Not that it was any different from any of his other classes, mainly because he just wasn't fond of Maths. That's basically it. Numbers were a pain in the ass._

 _But Oobleck was the kind of teacher to dismiss early, since he speak fast, and can teach a lesson in no time. Mercury wasn't sure if everyone of them's still even learning properly, though. Except for those academically gifted ones._

 _Which means, during one of his early dismissals, there was something Mercury was absolutely looking forward to at the end of the day._

 _He wrote something in a piece of paper, shaping it onto the form of a paper plane and shooting it towards Yang's direction at the front._

 _She glared at him as it hit her forehead, but he just bit his lower lip to stop himself from laughing. Yang read the note quickly:_

 ** _Let's ditch Port's class later and go watch a concert together_**

 ** _P.S. Asking you if you wanted to ditch class and telling you to let's ditch class are very different things._**

 _There was a sheepish smile on her face as she took out a paper as well, and Mercury could've sworn his heart skipped a beat with the anticipation of what she's going to write back. Yang threw the paper plane and it landed on his arm chair, as it read:_

 ** _Are you asking me out on a date? I'm not sure which concert it is, but sure_**

 ** _because you're a fucker and I can't say no to you_**

 _He smirked at the thought and looked at Yang, kind of curious of her reaction but she wasn't looking back. If she was doing it on purpose or not, he wasn't sure either. So he just texted her to offer a good deal she definitely won't back out from._

 ** _Smirkury_ **  
**_Great. If it makes you feel better, I'll order us $110 worth of nuggets after the concert_**

 ** _Blondie_ **  
**_$110? wAIT- you're fucking kidding u dont hAVE THAT MUCH MONEY_**

 ** _Smirkury_ **  
**_If I can afford concert tickets for the both of us, I don't see why I can't. Just you wait and see..._**

 ** _Blondie_ **  
**_ooo, now i wonder what kind of dirty work or which person u have to kill for that but K fine_**

"Remember when we watched their concert together?" Yang asked, carefully leaning her head on his shoulder. Since he didn't even have the balls to look at her in the eye for a straight five seconds, that position was much better.

"Of course, that was fucking lit. It was their last before breaking up." he initially thought he'll stiffen when Yang did that, but contrary to that it felt so unusually comfortable. Her warmth was something he had missed so much, even though he'll have to lie to himself about that a hundred times. It felt like five years ago when things were still easy, when things were still going their way. When they were still together.

"You still got their album, the one I gave you? I fucking babysitted my cousin for a week so I could get the money I need to have it."

"Don't fret, I still have that. I have this tiny shelf on my room where all my CDs are being kept."

"A shelf with all those CDs in your room? You fucking nerd, that's cool. You'll never be over this band."

"Never will." he chuckled, and she did too. Deep down, he just wanted this moment to last forever. How her stray hair has been stroking his cheek, her strawberry fragrance and all the little things about her that still gives him this fleeting feeling, "Also how can I forget that babysitting story? When your cousin almost puked at you but you badly need the money because you just like me that much."

"Shut up, I just wanted to make you...happy. I mean, you're not wrong about the 'because you like me that much' part. I put in effort!"

"Of course you do."

It was rather odd how a normal conversation like this one can bring out so much from the past. Yang trying to hide the fact she was blushing, and Mercury smirking were so teenager days, but things like that never cease to relive some good memories. Basically all these teasing that bloomed into something more... Eventually wilting into sweet nothings.

Letting out a sigh, she watched as the remaining people inside the bus are leaving one by one, "So, how are you?"

 _Good as dead,_ he wanted to say, but that was better off his head, "I won't tell you I'm fine, because I'm still a fucking wreck."

She snorted, not the kind of answer she was expecting, "Let me rephrase that one- What are you up to these days? Do you have a work?"

"I play at gigs." he replied simply. Mercury would be hella proud about it if the situation wasn't like this. His life now revolves around his band, but the happiness it was giving him was short lived. There was something lacking, and he knew exactly what was missing.

It would have been just the way he wanted it to be if he had Yang beside him whom he could share random stories of what happened on his day, on their gigs, plus they could always sing and jam at the top of their lungs. That was too idealistic of him, but the rational side of him just won't hope for that anymore.

Yang was sure she had to blink twice with what she heard, lifting her head up to look at him again, "Wait, you're in a band?"

He gave her a shrug, scratching his chin afterwards, "Yeah, quite."

"For how long?"

"Since God knows when."

"Shit, I'm so happy for you!" she punched him lightly on the arm, eyes gleaming with enthusiasm, "Wasn't that your highschool dream?"

He smiled at her reaction, although there was really nothing to be happy about it, "Yeah, and are you a professional motorbike racer by now?"

"You still remember that?"

"You used to talk about it all the time, besides being an MMA fighter."

"Well contrary to that, I achieved neither."

"How come?"

Yang took a sharp intake of breath before rolling the sleeves of her leather jacket, revealing her robotic right arm made of black and yellow paint. The haste ardency that lit up her face quickly faded into a flat one, "Tragic, isn't it?"

Mercury wasn't sure how his eyes let that pass. He wasn't sure how long have they been sitting here already that he never noticed that not until she exposed it.

"Honestly, I once thought 'Wow, I have more similarity with Mercury now than ever. Will he come back?'" Yang continued, forcing a chuckle. It might sound like a jest, but that was her truth.

And that rendered him speechless. He didn't know how to take the latter statement, but at this point his thoughts have started to become disoriented so as his feelings. It's either he can feel everything at once or nothing at all, "I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you needed me the most." it took him a moment before coming up with such answer. His tone was low, simply because the guilt now began to crept through his entire system.

"What if I say I still need you now?"

"You don't need someone like me in your life."

"I know, but everyone I care for leaves anyway. So I'm used to it." the way she curled up her hands into fists on her lap, equally trembling to each of their own, producing creases in her pants as well as crescent-shaped marks on her palm - tells so much of how she truly felt.

And then there was silence, until she spoke again, "I _waited,_ Mercury."

"You didn't have to."

"Can I ask you why you just suddenly left? Disappeared like thin air without even saying a word?" her irises deemed of hurt, and the more he gets to stare at her eyes, it was either he's going to drown himself onto her again or to get lost in them once again. _It stings._ There were so many questions buzzing in her mind that needed to be answered, but he chose to remain silent.

"It's a long story I don't even want to remember." he ran a hand through his hair. He was so much aware of how Yang had abandonment issues, and he proved exactly how he was one of the very reasons why she never wanted to get attached to people again. How it will never be easy for her to trust and let people into her life again.

"We were about to graduate together! Didn't you consider me as your friend? Did you only see me as someone you hated so much you could fuck me senseless? Is that what you think about me? You can always talk to me and I'll listen, I thought you knew that."

"But I told you about my legs, that was enough."

And with that, Yang sighed in defeat, a long and heavy one. She had always been so careful when it comes to that topic, even if she knew everything. Leaning back, she released her clenched fists as she recalled another one more bittersweet memory, "Yeah, and that was also when you kissed me for the first time so hard I got bruise on my lips."

He snickered, somehow getting embarrassed because of it, "Fuck. Wasn't it during the time we were on detention together?"

"When we almost made out but Professor Port caught us before we could even do it."

"Good old times."

"It was..."

"Well we could always-" he was about to say something that will crack her up, until something caught his eye. He didn't stared too long on Yang's prosthetic, but the moment he had to there was this thing on her finger that made his heart sank into utter void. Suddenly, there was emptiness again. He gulped, blinking twice, "You're... Getting married?"

"Yes..." she looked away, avoiding the sadness that was his steel gray orbs. Yang never meant to show the ring as much as her arm, but somehow he managed to get a clear look of it.

"With whom- I mean, when?"

Whoever that is, he's gotta be one lucky fucktard. Mercury didn't know what he was supposed to feel that was only proper of him to feel in the first place, but he wasn't as calm as before. He knew he didn't have the right to be mad, but he was mad at himself that there really was no chance now to get the only girl he had loved back on his arms again. There was no point coming back now, when all they could feel was nothing but the hurting.

"In three days, actually."

"Oh-" just when he thought he was too dumb to feel anything again, this made him realize he was just too human like the others. He wanted to act like it was nothing for him, that he was over her, but this time around the tables have turned - she was hurting him. "Congrats."

"A lot has changed in those five years, Merc."

"Yeah, I know, and I fucking hate it. I wish I could've- I wish I didn't left, I wish I didn't took you for granted. If only I could turn back time, I'd sell my soul for it. I know it's already too late to say this but... I wanted to be with you, Yang. But fuck, I wish I never knew. I wish I haven't seen you again. I wish you never appeared again."

He didn't know where the fuck did all that courage to say those things come from. It felt as if that with all the times he didn't know what to say, or had to reply with one liners - this was the part where he never cared about what comes out of his mouth anymore. But of all the things he knew tonight about her, this was the most painful.

It won't change anything now and it never will, so he just made a fool out of himself for that. Mercury felt as if there was a dagger pierced through his chest, repeatedly stabbing until it was hard to breathe steadily. As long as he kept on bottling up these wreck of emotions, it's going to ache.

"You know I do too. But you gave me no hope after all those years."

"Now is there really no hope? _For us?_ " the tone of his voice was something along the lines of desperate and hopeless, and how foolish of him to ask something like that when he knew it wasn't going to be easy.

Instead of answering him, Yang just met his quivering lips with equal intensity as much as their emotions getting out of control. For the last time, and even though she knew it was totally wrong, she hoped Mercury would get the message.

" _I hope you're happy._ "

She muttered under her breath when their lips parted. Even though he didn't want it to end, he became too weak for it. Yang couldn't stop the tears that are now threatening to stream down her cheeks as she let him go and stood up.

Now this was the hardest part. The bus stopped when she marched her way down, without looking back at him. It felt as if the world had to pause for a moment, with her vanishing figure the only thing moving and Mercury knew right away - that they were just another star crossed lovers that the universe conspired to build, but they failed to keep their promises.

She never said goodbye anyway, and he will hold on to that.


End file.
